Real Deal Love

As a young warrior,a young(ish) woman of God (1 John 2:12-14),I am still giving an inordinate amount of focus on how I am going to use my gifts and what I am going to accomplish for God’s Kingdom.  And so I’ve been deeply convicted and impressed by my meditations on love in 1 Corinthians 13.  ”If I have prophetic powers,and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,and if I have all faith,so as to remove mountains,but have not love,I am nothing”(1 Cor. 13:2).

I don’t mean Love like feelings or a proficiency of communicating in the five love languages.  Those are mere dividends of or skills in communicating love.  The kind of love that Paul describes in 1 Cor. 13 and rather the kind of love that Jesus incarnated is infinitely MORE than the experience,expression and exchange of love in the world’s economy of relationship.  It is powerful and yet comfortable with weakness,humble and yet consequential,life-changing and yet must come from a changed life.  It’s sad that in this world,or rather in my life,I need to define love in these terms,because love as I know it has become so diluted.  I mean,isn’t 1 Cor. 13 love the “real deal love”and all other expressions of it a mere imitiation or,moreover,an impostor meant to promote intimacy maybe but not deep,abiding love?  Not sure if I may be too harsh in my judgments in the flush of new conviction.  Well ,actually it’s not so new,really,but it has a new context and in some ways that makes it feel all new.

You see,I’m moving to a new place–geographically,for sure,and spiritually,probably as well.  For the past nine years,I have enjoyed so many love relationships.  They are people who are like me either in disposition,heart,or background.  Our differences are small in the scheme of things,and I feel at home among them.  I do not mean to minimize our differences,since we have had to overcome several obstacles in understanding each other and have endured tests to our commitment to each other.  But there was always grace for it,and our friendship has been deeply satisfying and nurturing–a gift in this time of transformation for me.

Our new home come January is quite a change from what we’ve known here.  The people do not share a similar background to me*.  As to disposition and heart,that is yet to be discovered.  I’m embarrassed to admit that background (and by this I mean socioeconomic,ethnic,educational,familial,cultural,etc.) is a natural barrier in my mind to a love connection (at least an easy one).  Perhaps,I haven’t had enough experiences of this lately as I have been surrounded by people like me here.  Or perhaps it’s baggage from my past of growing up in small town Ohio among a people who I felt misunderstood me,and because of their misunderstanding never valued me or even attempted to know me.  Certainly,there is anxiety and hurt from the past–doubt of whether I will be able to see past these cultural barriers and anxiety of whether they in turn will accept me;insecure of whether I will be able to really love them,and fear that they will never love me.

So I spoke about my mind and my heart–the barriers in my mind that the Lord is faithfully challenging and the wounds in my heart that he is gently healing.  And now the last part of my soul that must be surrendered is my will.  So the question is,will I choose to love the people in Gl0be?  (Oh yes,by the way,that’s the name of my new home,“Gl0be.” Interesting if you extrapolate what this love transformation could mean for the world,or at least for my world.)  And I have to say,yes,Lord,I am willing;with your help only,am I willing.

*Our new home is a small,desert mining town.  The demographic is primarily Causasian,Mexican and Native American.  From my understanding,there is a large contingency of single mothers (many of them teen mothers),drug-influenced teenagers,and elderly people who have been born,bred and will most likely die in this small town.  They are a forgotten people,passed over in favor of the more impressive and influential.  There is a dullness and lack of hope that seems to fill the air of this town,which contrasts with the God-designed potential that we see.